Choosing to trust your cabin..

I was talking to a dear friend last night about some stuff that God's been doing in our lives, and it really got me thinking about how doing something out of habit verses doing something intentionally can be very different things. This can apply to anything.

Out of habit.. Every single morning, my alarm goes off, I hit the 5 minute snooze button, reach over to the side of my bed, turn on my hair straightener, sleep for another four and a half minutes, and spend ten minutes straightening my hair (yes, I am so "gifted" in straightening my hair that I can do it sitting in bed, instead of going into the restroom. No mirrors necessary to turn my bed head into what everyone's used to seeing!).

Intentionally.. Sometimes, I plan to straighten my hair, I intentionally make sure I get every single kink out. I'll even look in a mirror, spot the "bad" spots, and focus on those areas.

I always feel better about my hair on intentional days instead of habitual days.. Even if, to the non-Kelsey eye.. You can't tell the difference.

That was a pretty shallow example..

Out of habit.. I meet up with friends throughout the week to grab coffee or get food. Nothing better to do, so we go do something random.

Intentionally.. Sometimes, we plan a time to get together. Compare schedules and find a block of time that works for each of us. Catch up on life. Talk a million miles a minute. Cram weeks of life into a two hour car ride.

I'm the queen of spontaneity, so I love the improv coffee dates.. But there's something special about knowing that you're going to be seeing someone, knowing that you're both planning a time to hang out. (I have two of these dates planned for next week with two of my favorites and I can't wait!)

And just because three examples are better than two..

Out of habit.. I read my Bible before I go to bed. Some people choose to start their morning with it.. I've always been a night time devo girl.

Intentionally.. I'll wake up early sometimes. Or I'll run to Starbucks during my lunch break and just soak up some extra time reading.

There's nothing wrong with having a schedule with reading your Bible, because for some people, if we don't have a set time (and if we're honest about it) it'll get lost in the busyness of the day.. But I love, love, love the times that I intentionally plan to throw in an extra or different time to spend time in the Word. It's just different. And because I know it's not my "normal" thing, I have a different attitude about it.

I've really been thinking about trusting God. Am I trusting because I'm supposed to and because it's "just what I've always done".. Or am I trusting God because I'm choosing to trust God. There's a pretty big difference when you think about it.

It makes me think of all the times at Camp Ronald McDonald or OCF-OCF that we did the "high ropes" course or the Courage Course. Before you got to tackle the big climbs, you always ran through a bunch of trust exercises with your cabin. 

Standing on a pole three feet above the ground being told "Okay, fall backwards and the eight, 12 year old girls below are going to catch you!".. Climbing to the top of the poll, you think "Psh, this will be easy. It's only three feet if they drop me. Plus, I don't really have to go through with it.". But once you're up there, and you've actually chosen to place your arms across your chest and fall backwards.. That's choosing to trust your cabin. It's a leap (or fall) of faith.

Once you've gotten safely back on the ground.. You're glad you chose to trust them. You wonder why you ever doubted them. You've had an experience that you probably would have never had if you hadn't chosen to trust them. And, if you're anything like me.. You can't wait to do it again!

I get those same exact feelings when I've intentionally chosen to trust God about something.

There's been so many times when I'm going through something, and I decide to trust in me - cuz I know best for me, right? And oh goodness, do I get taught a lesson in humility. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of "You are stupid. God is not. Don't trust the idiot.".. Or something like that.. Just to ingrain in my head and remind me over and over and over again that I'm just a dumb human who sins and doesn't know what she's doing.. And that He does. And that's all that matters.

The default "trust verse" sums it up quite nicely: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6

I don't think it really gets much clearer than that.

Must trust God. And trust Him intentionally.

By default..

I love it when there are one or two lines from a sermon or Bible Study that just won't leave you alone.

Brian asked the questions"What are you an expert in besides the Bible?" and "What would your friends say that you love most?".

When it comes to the first question, I don't think I would actually call myself an expert in ANYTHING. Maybe I'm an expert talker? An expert laugher? I can't exactly put that on a resume. 

But an expert in the Bible? I think that'd be a pretty awesome title to be able to give yourself. Granted, by default, I assume that in order to be an "expert" in the Bible (or anything), you probably have a few diplomas on the wall and a couple of letters after your name proving your expertise. I don't have any extra letters after my name (however, my last name has 12 letters, so I could probably stand to remove some of them and add them afterwards - maybe I'll fool everybody!), so I'm not at any official experience level.. But I like to think I've got a little bit of knowledge under my belt, and I'm always game to learn more. So while I'm not an expert in the Bible, I tend to hunger after learning more in that area of my life than in, say, computers or cooking.. If that makes sense. So my expert-ness (official word, there) is ever growing.. Hopefully exponentially, especially in comparison to other skills and areas of my life.

The second question though.. In complete honesty.. It made me nervous.

What would my friends say? I sat there thinking "Well, I think some of them would say something faith related.. But maybe some of my friends would say that my friends are what I love the most. My job. My random adventures. Disneyland. And it might depend on what my mood was like the last time I was with them. I might have been venting, so that wasn't necessarily very God-love-affirming.. I might have proclaimed my love for Chipotle during dinner.. Oh man, I hope they wouldn't answer with THAT..". 

So to solve that problem, I thought "Okay, make sure to have some sort of a God-related conversation with everyone you come into contact with at least once over the next week, because you want them to know that HE is what you love, just in case they've forgotten".. You know, because that would be pleasing to God - have conversations about Him with an ulterior motive of making yourself look better!

And then I started thinking "What would I say my friends love? Do they all love God? I know these friends would want me to answer the question for them as God, but is it true? Would I be saying that because I know they want me to, or because I really think that's their strongest love? And what about my non-believing friends? What DO they love most? Their boyfriends? Their family? Their car, their job? Clothing?"

My pulse was rushing. My head was reeling. (My face is flushing. What is this feeling? Fervent as a flame... Wicked, anyone? :-P)

Honestly though, my mind was going a million miles a minute trying to figure out what the answer to that question would be.

It was hard. Because even as I was thinking about what my friends would say I love the most.. I started thinking "What would I say I love the most?". I know what the answer should be. What the answer NEEDS to be. But, if I'm completely honest, there are times when other things take priority. There are times when my love for Christ is still there, but things like my love for socializing or relaxing take on a higher priority.

It was either John Piper or CJ Mahaney that made the statement that God shouldn't be "riding in the trunk of your car, waiting for you to need Him like you need a spare tire.. He should be riding with you, IN THE CAR, the whole time." I'd even go as far as to say that He should be driving, not just riding shotgun (Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" comes to mind..).

He shouldn't ever be "just there".. He should be THERE. My response should come as a default reaction - not because I respond that way out of habit, or obligation, but because by default, it's true.

We always joke at church that "Jesus" is the answer to EVERYTHING (and, as discussed today, whenever you're asked "where in the Bible does it say.. *fill in the blank*", if you answer with "Romans", you're probably right). 

Jesus needs to be my answer to that question. Not because it's expected, not because it's what we want to hear.. But because it's true.

For the very first time ever..

I defriended somebody on Facebook.

People say things all the time that drive me crazy.

They post about how often they drink.
They post about how mad they are at someone and give information that we don't need.
They constantly post about how much they love the boyfriend they've been with for a week.
They cuss more than they use normal, civilized vocabulary.

When people drive me crazy, I use the lovely little "hide" button.

But this time, I just decided to delete the person. This isn't the first time that they've posted something that bothered me. And honestly, if we were "real" friends, and not just friends online because we once knew each other.. Then I probably would've stuck to hiding (or at least explained it to the person before deleting).

But I haven't talked to this person in.. Gosh.. 4 years? I don't think it's going to cause any problems. There should be no awkward fall out because of it. Unless this person secretly stalks my Facebook and realized that they no longer have access to view me..

This deletion is not because of their lack of faith in God.
It is not because of their sexuality.
It is not because of their partying habits.

I have a problem when you call my Savior what you called Him.
And the things posted below.
And I even read the article.
And it made my blood boil.

Quoting Luke 14:26 (If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple) as an example of Jesus telling His disciples to join in a gay lifestyle?
And of course, an article like this alludes to the David and Jonathan "relationship".
And even to Paul "being gay".

This is not me bashing homosexuals or passing judgement.
This is me having a problem with lies of Jesus being shared.
And lies about the Bible.

Context, personality, and an understanding of the culture in which the Bible was originally written is important to understand when trying to find inaccuracies in the Bible. 
Or trying to change Truth.
Or trying to make the Bible fit your choices, instead of changing your life to being a believer.
The Bible doesn't change. You can, though.

A woman of what?

I am a woman of Christ.
I am a woman of laughter.
I am a woman of love.

And recently, I've become a woman of frustration.

Boy, do I not like that.

I've been getting frustrated with myself, with friends, with coworkers, with family, with boys.. And dare I say it.. Frustrated with God.

Actually, maybe I've had moments of impatience with God.
Definite moments of tapping my foot at God.
I don't like saying I've been frustrated with God.

Ugh, I am not proud of that.

Can I use the excuse "I'm human, I sin"? Sure, I can use it as the opening of a sentence.. As long as it concludes with ".. but I am not okay with that and I need to get that attitude out of here".

Being a Christian is recognizing that sin is a part of this world, but a big part of being a believer is striving to remove it from our lives, and to not be okay with it. You can't ever be satisfied with the sin you find in your life.

John Owen said, "Know the associates that Satan holds in your heart". I'm recognizing this hold he has on me (these moments of "I know better than God"), and I'm determine to make them less and less frequent in an effort to destroy it completely.

I'm fully aware that that's easier said than done. But, boy, am I going to work on it.

I've decided that in order to not be a "woman of frustration", I need to decide what type of a woman I'm going to be. 

By default, my instinct was to go to Proverbs 31. Every godly woman that I know strives to be a Proverbs 31 woman. In my Bible, verses 10-31 are titled "A Woman Who Fears the Lord".

A woman of fear.

Doesn't that sound lovely? Hah. We tend to associate fear with dark rooms, haunted houses, and spiders. 

But this fear is different. 

A fear of the Lord is a sign of wisdom (according to Proverbs 9:10), and Proverbs 1:7 says that a fool despises wisdom. I don't want to be a fool.

It's a fear of recognizing what I deserve, and realizing that He has all the power over that.. But that I'm trusting He'll keep His promise to me.

A woman of fear and wisdom.

Not a bad thing to strive for.

God is good. All the time.

Not just sometimes.

All the time.

That's so mind boggling to me. To be good all the time.

I can try and be good sometimes. But then I'll roll my eyes. Or think a not so nice thought about the guy that cut me off on the freeway. Maybe I'll even swear at someone. And there goes my attempt at being good ALL the time.

I don't think it's a bad thing to strive to be good all the time. But to be good compared to whose standards?

Good compared to the world? Well heck, if I compare myself to some people of the world, I think I could say I'm doing pretty good. I don't get drunk on the weekend. I haven't killed anyone. I go to church every Sunday. I've never smoked a cigarette.

But everyone can find someone that they're better than. It's really not that hard. But your life isn't supposed to be about making yourself feel better when you compare yourself to your best friend or sister. It's not even about making yourself better when you compare yourself about who you used to be.

How are you doing compared to Christ? As Christians, we're called to be like Christ.

You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 5:48

Be imitators of me, as I am Christ.
1 Corinthians 11:1

You shouldn't be comparing yourself to the people that were able to go down to Japan to help after the earthquake, or compare yourself to your friend that is away at Bible school. Just because that was in God's plan for them doesn't mean that your current path of going to Community College and working is any less important or any less displeasing to God. It's not about them. It's about Christ - isn't that all it should ever be about? That's the relationship and comparison that you should be striving to strengthen and draw nearer to - you and Christ.

Anyways.. Just a little something that's been on my mind recently.. that I'm writing down more for my benefit than for anyone else's when I start struggling with this as talks of the future, school, and missions trips start to arise...