Thoughts to fingers, for all the world to see..

Posts for Tag: Hot Topic

Jealousy, contentment, thriving, and some rambles.. :)

I've learned recently that there are two different types of jealousy.

There's the type of jealousy where it's purely selfish. You see someone, and all you can think of is "I really want that purse" or "I would look so much better with that jacket than her". There's nothing attractive about that. It's a typical "me, me, me" attitude. Not cute.

Then, there's this other type of jealousy. And I can't figure out if jealousy is the right word.. But it's a jealousy when you hear something about them, and you're jealous.. But for a good reason. And in the midst of your jealousy, you're so stinking excited for them! You don't want them to not experience/have whatever it is you're jealous about.. But you do wish that you could experience it along with them.

Maybe I should give an example.

I've had this same scenario play out with a bunch of my friends in the last few months. A friend is going on a missions trip. They're going somewhere else, outside of their home, city, or country, and they are going with the purpose of helping others, showing them Christ's love, and just fully dedicating every ounce of their being to the Lord for a certain (or uncertain) amount of time. And when I hear this, my response is typically "I am jealous of you in the best way possible". 

Now, I don't think I've ever thought the thought "Ugh, I wish that was me instead of them". I'm always just full of happiness and excitement for them (and promises of prayers for safety and opportunities flow from my lips), and then I think about how badly I would LOVE to be able to just drop everything I have going for me here in comfortable, routine, Orange County, California.. And just go.

Go. Go. Go.

Not go on vacation (even though I did just go on vacation and it was amazing).. But go somewhere, anywhere, and just talk with people, get to know them, share God's love with them, and see where that takes them and where it takes me.

Now, I know that jealousy is not a good thing, but, I think I've decided that I'm kinda okay with the second jealousy, because it's kinda encouraging to the other person, and also kinda a motivation for me.

On the vacation I just went on, I got to spend a few days with just my grandparents in Tennesse (my mom's parents). We spent hours just talking about life and Jesus. And it was ridiculously encouraging and just an amazing time all the way around. I can't remember how many times throughout our few short days together that I pretty much just sat there, hands in the air saying "I don't know what God wants me to do. I don't know where He wants me to be going. I don't know what He wants me to be focused on. But I'm ready. And He knows I'm ready. And just in case He doesn't know.. This is me telling Him - I am ready!" 

I've been trying really hard to not have an attitude of being content with just "floating" right now. I'm at a spot in my life where I should be quite happy. I have a job that I love.. But.. I really don't think it's something that I'll make a career out of. Don't get me wrong, I love the people, but I don't get excited about working with computers. If anything, I love the fact that I spend every day helping people (even if I moan and groan sometimes).. And I'm in school, learning stuff.. But I'm really bored with it. I don't get excited about math. I don't care about geography. I tend to sit there thinking "anything that I don't know now.. Well, that's what I have Google for." And I just feel like I'm wasting my time sitting in a class learning things that I really don't care about. I want to be learning about Christ. I want to be out there, talking to people and sharing what I'm learning.. I have way, way, way more conversations about Christ and what He's doing in my life and in the lives of others than I do about who fought what battle in the Civil War and why 2 + 2 = 4.. I try to take "interest classes" to help spark an interest in what my major should be.. But I find so much more joy in pulling out a book I got from the Christian Book Store and reading that than listening to a teacher talk about something.. It's just so boring. If I'm filling my head with something, I want it to be good, Biblical stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I am content with life - actually, I love life! And I know there are people that are far worse out there than me - that might look at my life saying that they wish their only problem was not knowing their major, that I should be happy with just a job, a roof over my head, and family and friends that love me. And I am happy - I know that I am extremely blessed, and I try my hardest not to take it for granted. But I don't want to just be "happy" or "content". Because being content can oh-so-easily turn into complacency. And I know that this life I'm living isn't because of me.. It's because of Him. And I want that to remain my focus.

Jon Foreman (from Switchfoot) has this song out there.. It's not on any of his CDs (yet), and you can't buy it on iTunes. It is on Youtube though (click here!).. And there's this one line from the song that resonates in me.. "I want to thrive, not just survive".

I want to thrive. Not just survive.

And I don't want to thrive by THIS world's standards. I want to thrive by HIS. Because that is all that matters.

Feminist: I am not.

I am not a feminist in any way or shape of the word.

Well, actually, "feminist" is based on "feminism" which (according to Merriam-Webster) is 1) the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes and 2) organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests. Wikipedia's first sentence on the "feminism" is entertaining: refers to political, cultural, and economic movements aimed at establishing greater, equal, or, among a minority, superior rights and participation in society for women and girls.

Okay, maybe I'm a feminist in one sense of the word, but even then, I'm hesitant on saying even that much. I'm a feminist in that I'm game for mostly equality. I mean, I used to be like "of course I'm game for equality".. But my cousin posted a Facebook status a few weeks ago that really got me thinking.

She posted a very gentle "Do you believe a woman should be President?". Normally, I would never respond to something like that, but it got mr thinking. Do I think a woman should be President? Would a woman be able to handle all the duties that a man could? If a woman were on a ballot, would I vote for her? And my response to the initial question was, and still is, no.

Do I believe that a woman can complete all of the required tasks and duties of a man in the Presidential role? Yes. I think we have that same brain power. There have been another nations with women in power, and they've done a great job. I think a woman can do the same job. But, her question wasn't "could" or "can" a woman be President - it was SHOULD.

1 Peter 3:1-6 calls us, as women, to be submissive to our husbands. I haven't done my research, but I'm certain that many feminists have issues with that passage... But based on that passage.. How can a woman take charge of a nation while still being submissive to her husband? I can see imagine a woman President deciding "Hey, let's go to war with Australia" and her husband saying "No, let's not".. As the wife, she should submit to his wishes. Granted, yes, discussion should ensue and they could come to an middle ground ("Who needs Canada?" ;-p), but ultimately.. What if the husband is adamant against the War on Australians.. Then he's the one ruling the nation, and not the wife.

I know that's a very dumb example, but it's the first thing that came to mind.

Actually, the first thing that came to mind was a conversation I had with a friend in high school. We talked about how women are just too emotional to be in that position, and I, as a rather emotional woman on occasion (emotional on occasion, not a woman.. I'm always a woman), completely agreed. We joked that all that someone would need to do to get the female President on your side was to bring her a box of chocolate (I also joked that I'm not a chocolate fan, so Dr. Pepper would be my weakness).

The result of me posting my opinion about whether a woman should be President caused quite a response and some super intelligent responses from people who called me dumb for "quoting such an old book".. My cousin agreed with my stance, and got so frustrated with everyone's "roar" responses that she deleted the entire status.

Anyways..

All of this has been on my mind because of a class I'm taking this semester. It's a "Women's Studies" class. And oh me, oh my.. I've only had one class of it so far, and I can already tell it's going to be a tough semester. We have a section of the material that the teacher calls "Herstory", instead of "History".. And I'm all for finding out what women have done in American history, but man. It's going to be a pain. "Ever notice how even from a young age, girls were treated differently than boys? In elementary school, weren't the boys always getting in trouble for being loud and causing a ruckus?" (My mental response: Um.. Yes. But that's because the boys were being loud and were causing a ruckus.. It wasn't a sexist thing.) "In high school, weren't the guys taking more science and math classes then the girls, which help them get higher paying positions?" (My mental response: When you're in high school, you get to choose your classes.The guys CHOSE to take those classes, the girls CHOSE not to. It wasn't a sexist thing.) "Why is the 'God' that this nation 'prays' to a male?" (My mental response: I had no words for response.. But let's do a pronoun search in the Bible.. How many times does 'He' reference God, and how many times does 'she'?...) She even started talking about how religion plays such a huge part in our culture, and how it's those "religious groups" that are causing all of the issues with abortion (Um, hi? It's murder) and with gay marriage (Um, hello again. The first definition from Merriam-Webster is "the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law". Their other definitions were added later on)..

It's just going to be a painful semester.

Why am I taking the class? I don't know. It seemed interesting. And I'm sure it will be. I'm also sure it will be emotional and frustrating. And I'm also sure God has me in this class for a reason.