When I'm having a "blah" day or moment, my reaction is to shut down. I don't like to talk about my problems with everybody and their mother. And I won't just talk about it with just anyone who asks. In fact, if the wrong person asks, it just enhances my mood even more.

I know it's weird, and it's not right. But that's my reaction. Always has been.

You would think that maybe, just maybe, I should just let everybody (and their mother) know that they just need to not ask me what's wrong. "If I want to tell you, I'll talk to you about it. I appreciate the sentiment, but honestly, don't worry about it." However, I can't do that.

1 - Because it's rude. Someone's concerned (whether out of sincerity or out of awkward obligation), and I'm not going to tell them to leave me alone.

2 - It's not true. I don't want everybody to leave me alone. I don't. I want almost everybody to leave me alone. And I know who I want to ask me. Well, actually, it depends on what is bothering me as to who I want to ask me. I have my typical 5 people that I want to ask me. Unfortunately, most of them are guys. And (yes, I'm being sexist here), most guys are horrible at recognizing these things. Or they recognize them, but forget that since we're girls, we do want to talk about it. Or forget that (yes, we're being difficult) if you ask us "is something wrong?" and we say "nothing".. There's a really good chance there really is something, but we want you to ask us again (unless you're dealing with Jenna, who has told me that it takes 3 times for her to typically come clean). Not because we want you to catch us in a "nothing lie", but because I think we mentally want to make sure you really want to know. Anyone can ask and take whatever answer you give them.. But when it's one of the people (at least for me) that I really do want to talk to about my issues.. I want to make sure you really want to know, and aren't just asking because you think you should. Girls tend to be pretty observant on that stuff. Which can be a blessing, and can be a pain.. But most of the time it is definitely a blessing :)

I know, it's girly. It's dumb. It's annoying.

It's actually something I've been working on the last year or so. Phill has this (for lack of a better word) rule for our friendship: complete honesty. And I know that sounds dumb.. Because we should all be completely honest. But how often are we asked simple questions (like "how are you?" or "do you like this shirt?") that we bluff a quick answer ("I'm good, you?" (as you were fighting with your mom on the way to Starbucks) or "it's super cute!" (as you mentally think of 300 shirts you saw at Good Will that look so much better)) without thinking of them as lies, more as "fillers" because it's expected, and it's the easiest answer.

We've all done it.

Anyways, with this "rule", that's not an option between us. And it was annoying at first. Not because I "couldn't lie" - the truth is always better! - but because I was catching myself, or he was catching me, all the time. Mostly about "what's wrong?" type of questions. The "rule" also applies to starting a story, then realizing you shouldn't tell the story, so you say "nevermind". Yeah, I don't get away with "neverminds" anymore. It all comes out now. Which, like I said, was annoying, but I've gotten very used to it.

Where in the world was I going with this..

Oh!

So I've started (not necessarily on purpose, just out of habit, which isn't a bad thing) applying this rule in all aspects of my life. When someone asks how I'm doing, if I'm doing great, I tell them! If I'm having a blah day, I say that "things could be better, but it will be okay"! If someone asks me what I think of an article of clothing that I'm not particularly fond of, I'll find something good to say about it.. Normally along the lines of "That's not my taste, for me, but I think it works for you!", because it's true. If it's a guy, I can normally just straight up tell them I don't like it :)

I don't know why I felt compelled to write this. I had a blah day, but I'm okay now. That's probably why.

Okay, that was a lie. I do know why I wanted to write this. Because I was frustrated that a boy didn't read my mind today to figure out what was going on with me. But that's not his fault, it's my fault. And I should have brought it up instead of fuming over him not knowing I wanted him to ask me - twice. :)

It's such a girly predicament. And it's no one's fault but mine.

This morning, a friend posted a link to this blog post that is a post by a woman who has been a vegan for 3.5 years. And she was the all out vegan. A "vegan celebrity blogger" if you will (yes, they exist). But, because of some major health reasons (all addressed in the blog), she's had to allow meat and animal based food back into her life. The blog goes into detail about how hard the decision was. How many doctors visits and people she seeked advice from.. How she tried to hide it from friends and family..

I've been a pescetarian now for a little more than a year and a half. A pescetarian is basically a vegetarian that also eats fish. I also eat shrimp.

I don't not eat meat because I feel that animals shouldn't be killed for food. If you want to eat meat, go ahead! I think it's a person's preference as to what they decide to eat. I don't believe animals go to heaven (see previous post), so I don't feel bad about eating them. I don't think they have the ability to glorify and live a life for God, so I don't think it's taking anything away from our sole purpose for life. So I don't care if people eat meat.

I don't eat meat because I thought it'd be a fun challenge for myself. It wasn't a long, thought out decision. I quite literally woke up the morning I turned 20, and decided I was done eating meat. It wasn't a hard decision, as I was already a picky eater. I didn't (don't) like steak, I didn't (don't) like hamburgers, I didn't (don't) like turkey, and I'm really picky about chicken. There's also other things I don't like: peanut butter, celery, raisins, beans, tomatoes, sour cream, milk from a fridge other than mine, soda in a can that's not cold.. So cutting out the meat wasn't hard at all.

Anyways, so I was reading The Voracious Vegan's post, and it wasn't the actual blog that shocked me. I think it's really interesting and I feel bad that she has had to change her lifestyle (she wasn't doing it "just for fun", she was doing it because she feels it's wrong to eat animals). It was the negative comments she received that had me mind boggled! The first handful of comments below the blog were so encouraging! Some people were even saying that they've had to do the same exact thing, or that "I don't agree, but I support you" and "I won't continue to read your blog, but good luck and I'm glad you're healthy again!". And then there were the downright spiteful and cruel posts! "You weren't doing it right", and some people saying that the entire blog is written an maintained by a website company, and not by an actual person!

So I was even more intrigued, and decided to take a look at her Twitter.. And she has gotten such an insane response from people! Again, some good, some bad. Getting bashed by the vegan community. "The doctors don't know what they're talking about!", "You're just giving up!", "Your blog was a scheme to get into the vegan community and then uproot it from the inside"..

They're getting so worked up over this! It's so intriguing!

Kudos to you if you're a vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, or picky eater! Eat the way you want for whatever reason you want! And if you are a judgemental one of those type of eaters.. Calm down! If those people start eating meat.. Those animals are already dead. And if they don't eat them, somebody else will. Take a breath.

The end.

I went to the doctor today to have them look at my eyeballs. After she diagnosed my with conjunctivitis (aka pink eye), she asked me if I had any other health related questions.

It'd been a few years since I'd asked this particular question, so I figure I might as well take a chance, see what the new theories are.

"Well, I've had this case of the hiccups for a long time. But they're not normal hiccups.. Anything for that?"

Now, for those of you creeping on my page who haven't hung out with me in awhile or haven't been around me for more than an hour at a time.. I have the hiccups. It's not the normal hiccups that last for twenty minutes that come every 30-60 seconds. It's one or two hiccups every hour to a half hour. Every single day. Since I turned 13. I'm now 21. That's 8 years (going on 9 in February).

When I was 16, I was at the doctor at mentioned the hiccups, and the explanation was "It's just part of growing up"..

That's an acceptable excuse when I'm 16, but I'm 21 now. Time for a new reason, please.

Today, my doctor gave me a prescription! To get rid of them! She prescribed me metoclopramide. After doing some research online, there's nothing about hiccups and such. She said that they use it a lot for people that get nauseous when they eat or something. But, this is what they prescribe for people that walk into the clinic when they've had "normal" hiccups for like, a week straight and stuff.

Anyways, so I'm sitting here in bed, staring at the bottle. And I can't decide if I want to take them.

My hiccups have been a part of my life now for about 40% of my existence.

They don't define me, I know that.

And I've always been willing to try any old wives tale (drink water upside down, etc), but in the back of my head I was always going into it knowing that I wasn't expecting it to work.

But this.. It could really, really work. A doctor has given me something that could actually get rid of them.

My hiccups have always been great ice breakers.

They hold a lot of memories.. There's a duck in the tree! (haha even though those were Michelle's hiccups) Where's my brown french fry!? You just swallowed your laugh! How is that possible!?

Selah's had them for three years longer than me.. Maybe SHE should take the pills!

Hmm.. It's just weird to think about. Do I want to really take a chance at really getting rid of them?

Recently, I've found myself surrounded by a certain type of people.
And it's not non-Christians..
It's not unmotivated people..
And it's not selfish people..

But I'm suddenly surrounded by smokers.

Everywhere!
In all of my different circles, there's at least one person that smokes now. Sometimes more than one.

And it's driving me crazy.

Honestly, if they want to kill themselves, that's fine. There's nothing I can do about it

If they think it's cool.. Then boy, are they living in the wrong decade.

If they want to always smell disgusting.. Well, I really hope they eventually learn to use Febreeze and gum.

If they think it's attractive.. Then at least they'll probably only attract other smokers, so that'll get all smokers off the market..

There's just absolutely nothing enticing about sticking a cancer stick in your mouth. I don't get it.
I feel like I smell like cigarettes because of how often I'm around them now.

And I have never smoked or touched a cigarette, so the smell is not because I'm doing anything with them!

Why smoke?

Everyone that smokes HAS to know that it's bad for them. There's no excuse for someone to say "Oh, I didn't know it was bad".

My aunt died from lung cancer from smoking. Smoking kills.

Is it like a form of self mutilation? Is it the "big kids" way of cutting oneself? Because people that cut themselves KNOW it's bad for them, yet they still do it. And for most of them to stop, they have to get help. Hey smokers - get help! There's nothing wrong about asking for help! There's patches, gum, support groups.. Just ask!

Is smoking just a sign of someone that's weak?

If it's how you cope with things going on.. Then gosh, that's just sad, isn't it? Why not run? Or read? Or call someone? Or pray? Do something productive instead of something that's killing you.

Wear a WWJD bracelet. Would Jesus smoke? Heck no.

1 Corinthians 6 tells us that our body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. We are to HONOR God with our body. How does smoking and filling your lungs with tar honor God?

And maybe it's just me, but my opinion of people automatically decreases when I see a cigarette in their hand. And as long as they have those cigarettes as a part of their lives.. It will always be in the back of my mind, sometimes even the front. And we're supposed to live our lives above reproach.. And we should be known as living our lives relying of Christ for everything.. So if someone sees us with a cigarette in our mouth, whether it's "just to relieve stress" or not.. Well, shouldn't we be relieving our stress in a God pleasing way? Heck, why not spend the time that you're sucking tar into your lungs reading the Bible instead?

When someone smokes, it really is one of the first things I think about in association with them. My aunt died when I was in first grade, so I really didn't get to know her. However, other than explaining her actual relation to me and everyone else.. The first thing I think of is how she smoked. And how whenever we visited her and her kids, I knew that the first thing we'd be doing when we got home was taking a bath and washing everything that we'd brought down there, because they reeked of cigarettes. I wish I knew more about her. But what I do know is that visiting Aunt Sue meant that I wouldn't get to sleep with my blankie that night because it'd be in the wash.

I guess I just really, truly don't get the disgusting habit. I wish someone could explain it to me.

Mild rant. Because I'm seeing and smelling cigarettes everywhere..

And it just makes me sad.

Sent from my Blackberry :)