I'm so blessed with the friends that I have in my life.
I'm not a perfect friend.
And my friends aren't perfect either.
But goodness, I'm so glad that I have the friendships, the imperfect friendships, that I do.
We laugh, we love, we fight, we talk, we walk, we text, we cry, we play, we watch, we go through phases..
And I love it. Because in the end, it just makes us closer.

I'm okay with not being close to the people I used to be close with. I have the people in my life that I need. Actually, I don't need them. I don't need anybody. God created us to interact and love others here, but as long as I have my God.. That's all I need. I'm not going to be the one who's life crumbles from a friendship dwindling to a close, or a relationship that has seen it's last kiss. I'm not that person. I've been that person, but I'm not that person anymore. And I'm glad. I've never considered myself strong or independent. But I really am.

Haha I'm not even going through a break up or anything right now. I don't know why this all came out. Lol.

But I am learning I do have a tendency to get jealous. Haha. And I try very hard to hold it in and not let it be known. But boy, do I have to bite my freaking tongue. Or fingers. Or whatever. It's really entertaining. It's weird. Haha But it's a sign that I care for people. Which I've never doubted. And probably never will. But it's a more dominate feeling sometimes, so it's almost like, a physical feeling of caring. It's hard to explain. But it's okay. Lol

One Tree Hill. A new addiction.

My wrist has been killing me for about a week now. I blame Broomball. But it was so worth it. lol

And finally getting the surprise that I've been waiting for for two months was so worth it. Oh my amazing friends <3

I was remembering the last day of BNYC. How we'd all planned to have breakfast at the mess hall together at 7. At 7:20, I woke up to my phone ringing. I was so sad that I'd slept through my alarm. So I was already crying, before we even started saying goodbyes. I quickly got dressed and ran to where we were all meeting up. And we just sat outside talking and talking. Then people had to leave, so we all started crying. Then it was just us California kids left. We played ping pong and stuff in the rec room. Then my mom came. She brought Ali with her to pick me up. I was fine for the ride home. Then I got home, and walked into my room.. And I'd never felt so alone in my entire life. I just instantly started crying. I missed everybody so badly, even though I'd just seen them all just hours earlier. I'd got 7 weeks with never being alone. Always having somebody - most of the time 36 somebodies - around me at all times. And it was like... I suddenly realized what they'd talked about during debriefing. That being back in the "real world" wasn't going to be as easy as the last 7 weeks had been. And boy were they right.

Anyways, that's not what gave me the flashback, and that's not what I was going for.

We went to Big Bear with our College Group from church. And the weekend.. It was just a really, really good weekend. Tom Licata talked a lot about strengthening your relationship with Christ and what to do to keep it going. And it was just some great talks. And he totally reminded me about one of my old habits! About reading a chapter of Proverbs a day! I forgot how much I loved it. And then besides Tom's lessons.. It was just a great group of people to be with. It reminded me of when a bunch of us went to 6th Flags, and there was absolutely no drama whatsoever. It was the perfect group to be with. Everyone was about having fun and just being with each other. It didn't matter if we didn't get on what rides we wanted to go on, it didn't matter if we had to share food.. It was just a healthy, fun time. And this weekend was like that, too. It was awesome. Just a bunch of us up in a cabin in Big Bear. Laughing, playing games, talking, heading into town.. It was awesome. I can't even explain it. And then, on Monday, I really realized what a great weekend it was. And I suddenly... I missed everyone. Like, majorly. I didn't cry. But I just realized that I really missed everyone we were with. And I'm not the only one who felt that way! It was so crazy. Bethany, Chris, Phill.. It was just weird. We all clicked the right way. Ugh, yes. It was amazing.

Mmmmmmm God is good. God is great. God is amazing.

Okay, long story, but pretty trippy.

So, a few months ago - probably in like, October - I got a text around midnight from someone that said something about "I hate the fact that I never meet people's expectations" or something like that. And when I say "someone", I mean, some totally and completely random person that wasn't in my phone book and that I'd never met before (Found out that they had just mistyped their friend's number and it happened to be my number instead). So I responded with something about "Um, I think you have the wrong number.. But no body's perfect and it's not fair for people to expect things of you that they can't give you themselves.. So don't worry" and we ended up talking for like, an hour and I just tried to help the person out. This complete stranger that seemed to be having a rough night and I ended with telling them that if they ever needed to talk to someone who's completely unbiased, I'm up for it. Then I never heard from them again.

Then tonight, I asked Edson for this girl Julie's number because I needed to give her directions to LQ, and instead of texting me back, she called. And I was like "Uh, hello?" And she was like "Oh my gosh, Kelsey! Do you remember a few months ago how some random girl texted you at night and they were having a rough time and they accidently texted you and you ended up just comforting them?" And I was like "Um, yeah...?" And she was like "That was me! I kept your number in my phone with a note that you were 'the girl that encouraged me that one night' and then you texted me tonight after hanging out with me.. And you're the same girl!!"

So freaking random. And awesome. And such a small world!!

This totally reminds me of that phrase "We all smile in the same language". That it really can affect someone's day if you make a little effort to help someone. And I offered her an ear.. or eye... month ago, and she remembered me. How bizarr. How trippy. And how awesome.

So the lesson from my xanga entry today? Be nice to someone. Affect their life. Give them a smile. Give the a hand. Give them an ear. Give them a hug.

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hope, and a world of fears. There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware. It's a small world after all.

Brother Spot Needs Filled

Applications are now being accepted for a new brother in our household.

I keep adding more to the list lol

Because... One of my favorite brothers...

Has been disowned.

Actually, he was dissed and owned.

In order to be a brother in this household

- You must feel comfortable in our house - even on the uncomfy sofa

- My parents must feel comfortable with me being around you alot, even in the house without anyone else

- I must not roll my eyes when you ask me to drive you somewhere

- You must have a cell phone - and I need to be able to easily have a conversation with you on it for over an hour

- I need to smile when I see you calling, not sigh and roll my eyes (unless it's 3 AM and I'm sleepy. But, I still answer)

- Your parents must like me

- You must know how to read me

- Inside jokes are good

- You must have your own name for my mother, or else, you can just call her mom

- You must know something about me that no one else knows

- We must feel comfortable teasing each other, but we also don't push the limit

- And most importantly.. You must think that the daughters in this house are beautiful.

Please let me know if you meet this criteria.

Disowned brothers may re-apply, but sucking up may need to occur, and you may have to wear sandals.

I need a name.
has to end in -a or -ia..
and needs some sort of meaning.. hmmm

"help me come up with a name"
"um, how bout.. Veria?"
"that's cool, how do you spell it?"
"V-E-R-I-A"
"mk, what does it mean?"
"um... i love you?"